I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
