True but thats because hes a fetus.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
