I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
