Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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