Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
