No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
