She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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