let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
