why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
