It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
