Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
