filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
