life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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