Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
