Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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