you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
