I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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