if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
