9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
