Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
