i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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