ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
