That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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