I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
