Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
