Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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