dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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