ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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