i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
