I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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