I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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