i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
