So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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