at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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