My nipple is on Facebook.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
