he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
