I accidentally had phone sex last night
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's always time for handjobs
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How external is "for external use only"?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
