Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
