you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
