I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
