sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
