giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
