every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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