Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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