just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
