Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
