She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
and she was petting her beer can
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
