Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
