it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
