Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
