i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
