i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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