ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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