meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
