I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
