if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Success! We fucked roommates!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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